Crecencio

My name is Crecencio Ramirez, and I’m the founder of Radio B’alam, an Indigenous Mayan community radio station in the Bay Area. Born in Guatemala, I came to this country in 2005 as a young teenager. At first, no one was there to help me, and I struggled a lot. Mental health support did not exist in our culture. I found myself lost and unaware of how to get help. 

Now a citizen, I am still and always an immigrant. When I see newcomers, I want to help them because I see my past in them. It always makes me smile when someone accesses education and other resources or becomes a citizen, because it’s a win for the whole community.

Let me share my story with you…

I came from a country where I suffered discrimination. I had to drop out of school because my parents had to move a lot to wherever there were farming opportunities. I spent most of childhood helping my parents to farm broccoli, potatoes, and coffee. School wasn’t important; I had to help them.There was no way to afford school expenses.

I would see my friends going to school with their backpacks. I wanted to join them, but I couldn’t. I had to wake up at 2 am to feed the horses and cows and gather wood. At 4 am, I would start on chores and farm work. Life was hard. I realized the only way was to find my own way. Sadly, my experience is not so uncommon in our community.

Life on the Street

I started working as a vendor when I was 12, selling cassettes, DVDs, and MP3 players. I would tell people about popular music to sell cassettes. I was good at connecting with people. It was going well until the owner ended his business to go to the United States. My next job was as a Paletero vendor, pushing a cart and walking through the city to sell ice cream. I felt ashamed because nobody wanted to be a Paletero. I would see other kids having fun, playing games, or running around with friends. I reminded myself that everyone is born with different options. After my employer closed the business, I had to find another job once again.

I met a man who seemed nice and friendly. He offered me food, a job, and a place to sleep. He told me not to worry. It felt like a huge relief. For the first couple of weeks everything was fine. But then he started harassing me in small ways. He would give me hugs and tried to touch me in a way that wasn’t right. He told me he could keep helping me, but he needed more from me in return. I felt confused. As a kid, I did not know what was going on.

A friend of mine told me I had to get away because what was happening wasn’t right. I managed to leave and stay with a sibling. But I was afraid of my employer. He threatened me and told me that I would lose the job if I don’t stay with him.

I knew if I reported him, he would bribe his way out, and then he would come after me for reporting him. The system is broken and corrupt. People get hurt and killed. I did not want to tell my parents what was going on – I knew they had other worries. There was no one on my side and no one to care about me. I had to find a way to survive.

Survival and discrimination

My only escape was to go to Mexico, then to the U.S. It was very scary, but I thought, “I can’t stay here.”

In Mexico, I also experienced struggles, but in new ways. Because I am Indigenous, even though I spoke Spanish, people would discriminate against me. Every day I had to hide so the border patrol wouldn’t find me and send me back to Guatemala. I was sleeping under a bridge and selling candies to tourists. I did that for two years and saved some money. I heard life in the U.S. was better. I thought maybe over there. I thought, here I’m homeless and it’s live or die. I was only 13 years old.

I first went to Tijuana, a border city to the U.S. I could see the U.S. from Tijuana – it was so bright and shiny, compared to the Tijuana side where there are drugs and homeless people everywhere. I knew I couldn’t stay.

Running to safety and my journey across the desert

I spent a week on the border of Mexico. The coyotes (human smugglers) did not help me. I heard that I could jump over the freeway, then walk and keep my eyes on the lights until arriving in San Diego. So, I ran over the freeway of 4-8 lanes. Then it was just desert.

It seemed just like 5-10 minutes away but I had to keep going for hours and hours. In the desert full of sand, animals, coyotes, snakes, and bushes. It was a nightmare. There was no food or water. I tried to eat something from the bushes, but they would grab my hands and rip up my skin. I saw skulls, dead bodies, bones with shoes, pants, and pictures of people’s families everywhere. I found water left by them and drank it. If I hadn’t had that water, I would be dead.

I slept under bushes, under sand or in caves, because there were helicopters above and border agents patrolling by foot. In the desert, I could only think about survival. You just keep walking physically but mentally you’re elsewhere. I had hallucinations – I thought about my family and asked myself, “why am I doing this?”

Finding help

Finally, I made it to San Diego. People let me stay with them indoors. They asked if I had a place I wanted to go and Oakland came into my mind. I had heard that people from Todos Santos (my hometown) go to Oakland because it’s the best place to find resources and people who speak our language. They got me tickets on a Greyhound bus. I was afraid of getting picked up by border patrol, so I said I had family there.

I remember the liquor store where I got dropped off on Fruitvale Avenue in Oakland. I saw a lot of people on the sidewalk corner looking for jobs. I heard people speaking Mam even though there weren’t many Mam speakers in the area back in the day. That brought me some comfort to hear my language.

One guy took me to his house and presented me to his family. They were happy to meet me and allowed me to stay temporarily. They gave me two suggestions: you should talk to an attorney, and here you have to go to school. That’s when I began working with Alice Hall, an immigration attorney who is also connected with East Bay Sanctuary Covenant (Santuario). I told her my story and how my parents abandoned me to survive. She suggested that I go to school to get legal status and put me in a youth shelter. Soon after, I got a social worker and then I entered foster care. My foster parents signed me up for a school. I was adopted by the state and got a family. It was the best time of my life because all I had to think about was school.

Navigating U.S. high school and coping with anxiety

I went to Fremont High School. But, I didn’t like it because I was bullied for not speaking Spanish or English. They would say “what is that weird language you’re speaking?” People were in their own groups and there was a lot of confusion and even assault. I changed schools to Castlemont High School. I was the only student who spoke Mam. Again, I suffered bullying and discrimination. I knew I had to keep going but I could not integrate with other students. That’s when I started to have emotional reactions and mental health problems. All of the stuff I was carrying from the past started to come up.

I was still carrying all the pain of the abuse inside me. I had so much anxiety and was suffering from mental illness. People would call me crazy. I attempted suicide multiple times because I had so much pain. I was hospitalized and placed in a counseling program. I started to talk little by little about what happened to me. Over the years, I got counseling, meditated, and learned how to use a hotline when I needed help. With support, I was able to continue my education. With Alice’s help I also won asylum. Then I passed the California High School Exit Exam.

The foster program was great, but when I turned 18, I told my foster parents that I needed to be on my own. Every family has a different culture, and it’s a lot to get used to. Some people eat spaghetti for a week, but I come from a town where we ate mostly vegetarian food. I got sick sometimes because of unfamiliar food.

Making it to college

Doors started opening for me. I got a scholarship to go to college. Alongside my studies, I had to work to make ends meet. I would work until midnight or 1 am and sleep only a few hours. I failed some classes and almost quit school. The school gave me three chances to get my grades up and I did it. I graduated with an AA degree and chose a Computer IT certification.

Giving back to my community through Radio B’alam

Since my certification, I have worked with kids and teenagers. I also got a certificate as an alcohol and drug counselor and worked with La Familia and Bay Area school districts to help Maya Mam youth. Now, I work at Tech Exchange as a computer engineer. I make computer repairs and help Maya Mam people get internet service.

In 2019, I started Radio B’alam, an internet radio station that now has over 54,000 followers. We launched this program to share information in Mam and help my community feel that they are not alone. We inform Mam people about health care, mental health, rights, legal options, and many other topics.

It is estimated that there are over 20,000 Mam people in the Bay Area, and most don’t speak Spanish or English, only Mam. Our journey was so hard to arrive here, and we are forced to adapt. We are afraid because people judge us or think we are Latinos. We are not – we are a tribe with our own language and culture.

Our goal is to improve our lives. I encourage kids and young adults to go to school. I want them to dream every day and go for it. We want our kids to feel better and feel that this place is their home. I want to encourage people to be proud of themselves.

Radio B’alam is growing, and more people are recognizing us and understanding where we come from and how much we have suffered. American people support us – the asylum office, school districts, attorneys, state senators, mayor, and many community organizations. We also partner with East Bay Sanctuary Covenant (Santuario), which is one of the main organizations that has been supporting the Mam community since the first Mam person came here in the 1980s. We are not scared anymore. We are proud of our culture and can see our community growing stronger – we see ourselves on every street corner, and it feels like home.

My dream is to have a physical radio station of my own. I also want to be on the school board and represent the Maya Mam community.

I’m proud of myself and our whole team, proud of Radio B’alam, Voces Maya, and Santuario. I’m still looking for help and for partners to work with. It’s a long story but with a happy ending and now I know I have more ahead to look forward to.

One day, a new generation will take over, but we want to remember our roots. And we always defend and support our immigrant people.

Sexual abuse is a serious issue.

Thank you very much for reading my story.

I want people to know that sexual abuse is much more common than people may think. Not many people talk about it, because many victims feel shame. Abuse can also happen to both men and women. As men, it can be very difficult to tell people because you worry that people won’t believe you. When sexual abuse happens to men, we are not even believed to begin with. Many times, victims are not given a choice.

Sexual abuse is most likely to happen from someone the victim knows, so be aware of who is around your children. My parents trusted the man who abused me to care for me.

It’s very hard to think about something bad happening to our kids, but it’s important to talk about it in an age-appropriate way so we can help protect them. When kids tell you something is wrong, believe them. You can tell your kids that no one should touch them or touch their private areas and if something happens to them it’s not their fault and they should tell you. Sometimes people use social status to get away with causing harm, for example, a priest from church, who is someone you go to in our culture.

Ask your kids questions. Believe your kids and believe people in your life if they tell you something bad is happening to them. Engage with your kids’ teachers, their friends, and others in their life.

Because people in Todos Santos didn’t help me and I felt so alone, when I got to the U.S., I distanced myself from our culture because I felt betrayed. I hope that we can help each other and not judge when someone has suffered from sexual abuse. It’s never the victim’s fault.

Resources:

Mam hotline: 510-485-9609

Suicide hotline: Dial 988 (they speak English and Spanish)

RAINN hotline (national sexual assault hotline): Call 1-800-656-4673 (they speak English and Spanish). You can also text.

Radio B’alam: https://www.facebook.com/radiodelacomunidadindigenamayamam/